George lost his wife Nancy to illness when he was 55. As the
months passed he became lonely. Then he attended one of my talks and heard me
give my two simple rules for meeting people: Entertain once a week without fail,
and accept all invitations.
“The same night I heard you talk,” he told me later, “I
bumped into the daughter of one of Nancy’s
friends. She told me she was helping to put on a weekend jazz festival and
asked if I’d like to attend. I was truly moved, but no way was I going to go.
Then, on the way home, I had this flash; it seemed so obvious. ‘Why not?’ I
thought. ‘I just got an invitation.’ That’s when it all began.” Over the next
few days George called a couple of friends and invited them to join him. “I
actually enjoyed myself. It was a warm night, the music was pretty good, and
heck, there’s a world out there.”
George made up his mind to entertain once a week no matter
what, at first inviting friends, family, and colleagues, and encouraging them
to bring a friend or two—the more the merrier. “When the word got out I was a terrible cook they’d
ask if they could help—which meant the party started in my kitchen and just got
better from there. Or people would ask me to come over to their place instead. So
I’d end up meeting all their friends.” A little more than two years after Nancy passed away, George
remarried. “I definitely never set out with this in mind,” he stressed. “It’s
just that I got to know so many people that my whole life changed.”
Daisy was in her mid-twenties when we met. “I’m so used to
jerks,” she told me, “I can’t even recognize the nice guys anymore.” Ever since
childhood, she explained, she had been uncomfortable being on her own. “I’d
cling on to just about anyone for company rather than be alone.” Perhaps
because of her fear, Daisy embraced the idea of the two simple rules.
It took some creative thinking at first, because she had to
find a way to do it that didn’t depend too heavily on bringing people over to the
place she shared, but before long she had become a sort of social facilitator.
“One day I might phone some friends or acquaintances and suggest we go to a
movie,” she explained. “I’d pick up the tickets ahead of time so we could meet
and have a coffee before the movie.” Another day she’d phone a different group
and suggest they meet up at an art opening or local fair. Yet another day she’d
pull together a group to go bowling, or to hear an author speak at a bookstore.
Because Daisy lived on a tight budget she let them know, upfront, each pays
their own way. She ended up knowing dozens and dozens of people and had no
trouble getting dates. She learned to reject the jerks and focus in on the good
guys, and after a while she met and married her Prince Charming. Today Daisy is
the wife of a diplomat in the Foreign Service—and entertaining in style.
So here you have it, two simple rules:
1. Arrange dinner or an outing once a week, and encourage
your guests to bring new people.
2. Accept all reasonable invitations.
It doesn’t have to be elaborate: “Hey, I’m having some
friends over for potluck on Friday night. Why don’t you come and bring a
friend? I want to meet new people.” Or, “There’s a gang of us going to the
movies on Tuesday. Want to come along? And feel free to bring a friend; I want
to meet new people.” There’s the key phrase: I want to meet new people.
Begin with people you already know—your friends, family, and
colleagues. Starting close to home ups your chances of meeting people who share
your social values. Let your friends know you want to meet people. Sure, you
think they already know, but have you told them outright? If not, make sure you
do. This is a time in your life to make socializing a priority, turn it into a
habit, and get good at it. Agree to set aside just one day a week for the next
year to get involved with the people you already know, those you only know
vaguely, and some you have yet to meet.
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