Nicholas Boothman's Boosts

Give a gift that makes sense

Reading time: 50 seconds

Is there a way to figure out what someone will love as a gift? Imagine being able to know which sense somebody relies on most. When you find out, you can appeal to that sense above all others. The other person won't realize why, but they'll feel drawn to you and your gift because you are connecting with their emotions.

Research tells us that in each person, one of three senses dominates the rest. 55% of the population is primarily visual (how things look), 30% are kinesthetic (touchy/feely) and 15 % are auditory (sound).  each other. They think differently, they want different things, have different desires, have differing motivations, speak and dress differently.

When you can find out the sensory preference of the people in your life you can connect at a much deeper level. You can find out more here

5 ways to be smarter socially over the holidays

December 2nd. 2010

Reading time:90 seconds

Hi everyone

I've had so many requests to repeat this Boost from May 2009 I thought this would be a good time to dust it off. This month's Boost will be out next week.Warm regards Nicholas

next train-the-trainer March 26/28 Toronto

5 ways to be smarter socially

Here are 5 ways to be smarter, socially when you walk into a room full of of strangers - in 90 seconds or less. 

1.Wear great clothes - more people will take you seriously (don't over do it - don't be better than anyone else)

2.Head for the middle (popular people always go to the middle of the room in restaurants, parties classrooms etc.), 

3.Move more slowly than usual. People who move fractionally more slowly than others tend to get noticed and come across as confident and sexy. Get into the habit so it becomes natural: otherwise don't bother.

4.3-second rule. Notice someone and within three seconds go over and say something. Do this several times.

5.Ask "Talk-show" question. The best way to start a conversation is with a statement followed by an open question. "I hear Seattle's a fantastic place. If I only had 3 hours what should I see?" Remember to give feedback.

Watch the clip on the Today Show. 

Nicholas Boothman shows businesses and individuals how tobuild trusting relationships and make their words work for them

Unperfect – the art of being perfect enough.

Congratulations to our 20 newly certified How to Connect in Business professional trainers.

Unperfect – the art of being perfect enough.

Reading time:100 seconds

What do you say to the student with a 96% average who thinks she’s a failure because she doesn’t look perfect? Or the marketing manager agonizing over a presentation that has to be perfect before he meets with the client. Or the woman who knows (because her mother told her) she’ll never get married because she’s 36 and hasn’t met the perfect mate?

How about giving Unperfectionism a shot. Unperfect is not “imperfect.” Unperfect means “almost perfect.”

Perfectionism is the ultimate form of taking yourself too seriously. It can stop you in your tracks, waste everybody’s time and stress you out just thinking about it. We impose perfection on ourselves, our partners, children, lovers, sport teams, politicians and strangers: we even impose it on babies. We blame it’s absence on lack of education, lack of money, lack of support, lack of sleep, fear of failure, rejection and ridicule.

Experts divide perfectionists into three categories: Self-oriented perfectionists who need to be perfect in their own eyes and live up to their own high standards. Often, these standards are accompanied by high levels of goal setting and motivation (Gordon Ramsay, Hilary Clinton, Steve Jobs, Martha Stewart). The downside of Self-oriented perfectionism is depression and stress because, instead of being pleased when they achieve a difficult goal, they just move on to another one.

Socially-oriented perfectionists believe others have unrealistically high expectations of them. This makes them prone to procrastination, hostility, depression, and anxiety.

Other-oriented perfectionists demand perfection from other people, their partner, kids, employees and people in general. It’s no surprise that they can end up with serious relationship problems from intimacy to anger to revolution.

Millions of people are stuck, troubled and fed up with trying to be perfect on a daily basis. Obviously I’m not talking about our airline pilots, surgeons, engineers and the like. We want those professions to continue striving for precision. I’m referring to those who falsely believe that by being perfect they will connect with those around them, be accepted and feel like they belong. 

Our culture loves people who are passionate and work hard. But, increasing numbers are stuck confusing perfection with excellence. The perfect job, perfect children, the perfect career, perfect grades, the perfect vacation, the perfect partner. This is your imagination at its best and its worst: excellent goals and dreams to strive for, and an absurd way of gauging your worth as a human being.

Take the Unperfect test. Ask yourself three questions:  1. What, specifically, do I want – in the positive? (outcome)  2. How specifically will I know when I’ve got it?” (Close your eyes and imagine what you will see, hear and feel at a precise moment in time in the future.) 3. Is the extra five percent worth the time and effort?  If you answer “yes” you may have lost sight of what you want - or got it wrong in the first place.

That’s it. A bit long-winded this time but hey: I’m not perfect.

 

How’s your social health?

Reading time: 90 seconds

Your "social health" is your ability to make human connections. Your "social capital" is your ability to hang on to them.

An investment planner will advise you to diversify your financial capital to maintain your financial health. A social planner, if there were such a thing, should be telling you to invest your social energy equally between your Bonding, Bridging and Linking networks to improve your opportunities, cooperation, job prospects, health, love, finances, longevity and safety.

Bonding networks are close connections with people who help you get by - usually your family, friends and neighbours. Bridging networks are weaker connections that lead to opportunities - people from other walks of life and different social backgrounds - people you might meet at the pub or as a member of a club, organization or association. Linking networks create access to organizations and systems that help individuals and businesses get resources and bring about change. These connections are usually with leaders of public and private institutions, local and provincial governments – those with resources within and outside of the community. The common element in all these networks is trust. And that’s something we can only really judge face-to-face, not with the click of a button.

The World Health Organization first introduced the idea of social health in 1947 and declared the definition of health to mean physical, mental and social health. The bottom line on social health? People who get out and connect face-to-face on a regular basis tend to live longer, enjoy richer lives and recover faster from disease.* Those who don’t, don’t.

Social health doesn’t just apply to individuals and businesses though, it’s equally fundamental to communities, societies and countries. By the same token, danger and isolation creep over the horizon when your community’s social capital becomes threadbare.

When the social media bubble bursts in 2012, as many experts predict it will, a lot of people are going to realize that five friends in their community can add more social value to their lives than five hundred friends they’ll never meet, and perhaps don’t even exist.             

So. How’s your social health and your social capital? Maybe today’s the day to invite a few friends and neighbours down to the pub for a pint and see if you can spot the odd kitchen renovator, politician or bank manager!

Until next time, stay well and assume the best.

Nicholas Boothman

 

*In the Alameda County Study by Dr. Lisa Berkman of the Harvard School of Health Sciences carefully looked at 7,000 people, aged 35 to 65, over a period of nine years. Their study concluded that people do not actively  socialise are almost three times more likely to die of medical illness than those who do. And all this is independent of socio-economic status and health practices such as smoking, alcoholic beverage consumption, obesity or physical activity! (more on this)

Future-shifting

September 28th, 2010

Reading time:45 seconds

Whether you're motivating a team, convincing a client, or arguing with your family: if you want to win them over, shift to the future tense.

Praise and blame are delivered in the past tense - “You didn’t do this or that!” Values take place in the present tense -  “We believe in this or that.” Options, choices and opportunities are always expressed in the future tense - “Yes you have a point, so let’s try 'a' or 'b'?”

The sooner you future-shift, the quicker you blend reason and logic with the all-powerful imagination, and the faster you reach your goal.

Answering the dreaded question

Reading time: 90 seconds
Date: August 31st, 2010

“So. Why should we hire you?”

You grimace as your shoulders slump and the wind goes out of your sails.

“Well,” your stomach sinks as you answer. “I have a number of accomplishments I'd like to tell you about, but I want to make the best use of our time together. To help me do, that, could you tell me more about the most important priorities of this position?”

The interviewer winces politely as her head bobs up and down. It’s over. The interviewer gets up opens the door and shows you out. “Next.”  

Try the “pub-approach.”

Let’s say you’re a recently graduated law student interviewing for a position as a junior associate in a corporate law office. Here’s the pub-approach way to answer the dreaded question.

“So, why should we hire you?”

“You know how a good law clerk needs to be adaptable?” you ask in a conversational tone.

“Sure.” The interviewer nods.

“Well, I have initiative and I'm flexible and I can cover a lot of bases, so the lawyers can spend their time concentrating on what they do best.”

Simple and effective the pub approach works just as well in a pub as on a plane, in a golf cart, in sales or when you’re networking. Just adapt it to your line of work and make sure to exclude all jargon and sales pitches.  Use simple, clear language that even a nine year old would understand.

In my latest book Convince Them in 90 Seconds or Less you'll find lots of different ways to use the pub-approach. It has three parts. 1. You know how …?   2. Well I… 3. So they….

My own pub-approach goes like this. Let's say I'm on a plane and someone asks, "So, what do you do?"

“You know how some people have trouble connecting with others?"

"Sure."

"Well I write books and talk to corporations about how to build instant relationships so they can inspire cooperation and maximize opportunities.”

Practice until it sounds natural and you can say it in your sleep.

That’s it. Until next time, stay well and assume the best.

Approachable or Authoritative?

Reading time 90 seconds

These are the North and South Poles of first impressions. Building a professional identity to project a strong first impression must take these same boundaries into account.

Somewhere between the two extremes of approachable and authoritative lies fertile ground where you can nurture an effective professional style. A professional style may or may not conform to current fashion but it should be an expression of your independence and confidence. Wearing attractive clothes with assurance can positively influence prospective job offers, help secure your long awaited promotion or make the difference in landing a multimillion-dollar contract.

Your authority/approachability quotient determines how other people will initially respond to you when you finally get to open your mouth. Think of a sliding scale with blue jeans (the pants of the people) at one end and very expensive custom-made suits (the togs of the toffs) at the other.  Of course you don’t have to get stuck at one end or the other.  Most people find a comfortable spot that borrows and combines elements from both ends.

A man with a “serious” attitude and a set of bankers' pinstripes to match presents a façade of total authority. But if you add a bright red pair of suspenders to that pinstriped suit, the businessman immediately becomes more approachable.

A woman can present the same “serious" facade of authority by showing up in the modern business uniform of dark suit and sensible heels.  But, like the suspender-wearing banker,  she can show her approachability by adding a flash of color with a bright scarf or a piece of whimsical jewelry.

These imaginative touches have a persuasive impact on the first impression you choose to create because they offer a controlled glimpse of your personality—they suggest what you'll be like when people get to know you.

Remember, when you are poorly dressed, people notice your clothing; when you are perfectly dressed, they notice you.

Making yourself memorable

May 25, 2010
Reading time: 150 seconds

What's the point of people liking you and enjoying your company if they don't remember you? Here's a little story to illustrate my point.

Jill and Robin, two middle-aged ladies, are sitting across from each other at a table in a French restaurant. They’re halfway through lunch when several people are shown to a table nearby. A young woman in the group recognizes Jill and lets out a gasp of delight. She was a student in one of Jill’s classes several years ago. After many hugs and exclamations, Jill turns to her lunch companion: “Robin, this is Edwina. She was one of my most wonderful students back in my days in Stratford. I’ll never forget—she had these rituals for organizing herself and her work. Everything had its own special place and order at her desk. Sometimes she drove me crazy, but it always used to fascinate me how meticulous she was.

”“Nice to meet you,” Robin says, taking Edwina’s hand.

“So tell me, Edwina, what are you doing these days?” Jill asks.

Edwina proceeds to tell Jill about her work as associate producer on a local TV show, and then adds:

“There are quite a few of us there from school. Do you remember Suzanne Sparks?”“No, I’m sorry, I can’t quite picture her,” Jill says, searching about with her eyes.

“You know, the one who always came to class in those crazy leather vests.”

"Oh yes, of course.” Jill turns to Robin, including her in the picture. “Suzanne was a terrific painter. I believe she spoke Spanish and German, too. Does she still have that mop of spiky red hair?” she asks, turning back to Edwina.

“No. She’s long and blond now, and she’s our director of programming. And what about Toni?” Edwina continues. “She’s at the station, too.”

“Now, which one was Toni?” Jill asks.

“Toni March. She was always really friendly. Lived out in Malton.” When Jill gives no sign of recognition, Edwina says: “She was such a hard worker.”

“Sorry, dear, I can’t quite place Toni. Who else?”

“Greg Cuddy. He’s our sales manager.”

“No! Not Greg with the nose ring?” Jill shakes her head in disbelief. “Greg Cuddy was such a nervous young man. He drove his mother’s pickup truck everywhere. If memory serves me correctly, he ran a train-spotting site on the Internet. He published a newsletter and had people from . . .”

The point of this story is that it’s easy for Jill to recall her former students when her memory is triggered by an image. People are more likely to be remembered if they have some kind of handle—some kind of device that makes them stand out from the crowd.

That’s it. Until next time stay well and count your blessings

Stepping Stones

Reading time: 90 seconds

Stories are to the human heart what food is to the body. Advertisers polish them, marketers spread them, lawyers bend them, and religions exalt them. We watch them unfold on the screen, read them in books, and when we can’t find one handy, we make them up. And no wonder. We are natural-born storytellers; the skill is in our genes. We learn the basics of storytelling as soon as we learn to talk. By the age of five, we tell stories to wangle, cajole, and get what we want. But for most people, storytelling ends there. We still tell stories, but without the structure to make much of an impact on other people.

Telling a good story is like picking your way across a fast-flowing stream on stepping-stones. The stream is the problem, and the stones are the path to a solution. Three stones are usually sufficient. You open the presentation on one bank, step onto the different stones on the way across the stream, and close as you step onto the opposite bank.

At the start, standing at the river’s edge, you set up the story and state the point. It’s here that you introduce the character(s) (the who), the setting or location (the where), and the time (the when). Stepping onto the first stone you explain the problem, dilemma, or predicament. Moving out onto the second stone in the middle of the fast-flowing stream, you describe one or two failed attempts to resolve the problem before leaping onto the third stone and revealing the successful solution. As you step onto the far bank, you deliver your emotional close and restate your point. As you point to the future, you can invite your listeners to imagine themselves in the same situation, and use what they learned from your story to resolve the problem. Prompt your listeners to visualize how to apply what they’ve heard: “Just imagine . . . ,” “Picture yourself in the future when . . . ,” “The next time you are faced with . . .”

The next time you want to pitch an ideas, change a behavior, lead, motivate or break down a barrier - tell them a 90 second story. 

That’s it. Until next time stay well and count your blessings

What can you do in 90 seconds or less?

March 29, 2010
Reading time: 90 seconds

Hi everyone

People sometimes scoff and say things like, “Ninety seconds isn't long enough to do anything worthwhile!” or, “Life’s too short.” I think they are wrong. Time can be very deceptive. And ninety seconds can be a long and productive time.

Here are 20 things you can do in 90 seconds or less. I challenge you to add to the list. Send me your “90-second specials.” I'll send a copy of my new book, Convince Them in 90 Seconds or Less, to the best 3 submissions when the book is released in May 2010. I'll share the best with you here and who knows, they may even end up in my next book. Perhaps I should call it, “Instant Soup for the Soul - 1001 things you can do in 90 seconds or less.”

In 90 seconds or less you can:

1.     Take off. The average passenger jet can go from stationary to three thousand feet

2.     Sing most national anthems

3.     Change your clothes. A supermodel can change outfits, accessories, rearrange her hair, and get back on stage

4.     Change a nation.  Ronald Reagan said, “Mr. Gorbachev. Tear down this wall.”

5.     Win an Olympic gold medal. 200 meters, ski jump, pole vault. Take your choice

6.     Put on your make-up. Serena Williams does hers in 90 seconds

7.     Stun an audience. Paul Potts and Susan Boyle on Britain’s Got Talent

8.     Catch up on the news. Watch The One Minute World News on the BBC website

9.     Audition for a role in a TV commercial or movie

10.   Say a prayer or meditate

11.   Put on sun block

12.   Pitch a movie or idea. James Cameron pitched Titanic with 6 simple words, “Romeo and Juliet on the Titanic.” Another famous movie pitch used five words on a cue card. “Arnold Schwarzenegger,  Danny DeVito, Twins”

13.   Tidy your desk

14.   Bake chocolate chip cookies on a waffle iron

15.   Clean your teeth

16.   Build a website

17.   Listen to a complete song. Golden Slumbers by the Beatles

18.   Make that call you've been putting off

19.   Go through an automatic car-wash

20.   Put this challenge on your facebook page and have some fun with it

That’s it. Until next time stay well and count your blessings